It’s been a long while from my last post. I’m still trying to adapt to where I am now in life. It hasn’t been easy. I had always felt so lost with who I am and where I want to go in the future. That does not mean that I do not want to go forward and achieve my goals. It’s just. Well, I am reluctant to move on if it means leaving behind my friends.
I never planned to push myself away from my companions. We all parted ways after we finally graduated high school. As much as I’d hate to admit it, I miss those days I spent in school. I got to meet all my friends there. Now, we sometimes see each other, but not as often. I feel rather lonely. Whenever I receive an invitation to hang out with them, I’d go there in a heartbeat.
At the moment, everyone is busy with their lives, myself included. I sometimes check my phone to see if anybody still chats in our old WhatsApp group. They rarely ever speak. It’s like a ghost town in there. But I know everyone is doing fine. Some are studying in public universities, others are attending private colleges, and a small few of us still haven’t decided where we want to go, but know what we want to do. I know I should be happy for them, yet, why do I feel like none of this should happen?
I think the reason for this is because I find it hard to let go of the past. More than once, I had wished to go back to certain moments and stay there as if time had stood still. I know, it’s an unhealthy thought. I wouldn’t be able to progress if that ever happens. It has become quite evident. Just the other day, someone told me to replace my old phone with a new one. I told them I didn’t want to because I do not want to throw my old phone away. It has sentimental value to me.
The past continues to haunt me until now. Sometimes, I wish I could reset time so I could fix my mistakes. I end up going backwards in the process, completely ignoring the things placed in front of me. I try to stop dwelling on the past and focus on overcoming these turbulent times of my life. I was hoping to have my friends by my side on this one. But alas, we all have to face some obstacles alone.
I depend heavily on them. Not in a sense where I constantly need their help. Still, having them close to me is enough to give the strength I need to push on. I’ve made some new acquaintances these past few months. However, I never felt completely comfortable with them as I did with my old pals.
Occasionally, I would have a sense of dread looming over me. I feel depressed as I feel alone. I end up wanting to give up and throw in the towel. But, I have to get back on my feet and run towards my dream. I’m sure that’s what my friends would do.
Well, that’s my sob story. As much as it hurts me, I have to learn to let go, even when I don’t want to. So, to my dear friends, I wish you the best of luck, wherever you are. If you guys aren’t giving up, then I won’t either. And to whoever reading this, thank you for taking your time to look at my post. It feels good to know there is someone who could lend an ear to me. Or in this case, eye? I’m not sure. So, I’ll be signing off now. Have a pleasant weekend!