I’m Lonely

Humans are lonely creatures. We feel sad whenever we get isolated with no one to interact. We always have the urge to talk to people. Sometimes, even when we do not know them at all. I guess we cannot stand to be left alone. I mean, look around. We all live in groups. Whether you live in a small neighbourhood or live in a large nation, you are always surrounded by people. After living with them for so long, you develop relationships with the people you care. You create meaningful bonds with them.

These bonds are what keep us together. When we face dire adversities, we would face them alone and try our best not to get other individuals involved. But, when we confront challenges with a helping hand or two, we feel more powerful. We feel like we can overcome any obstacle when done as a team.

So, what is this glue that sticks us together? Is it love? Is it family? Perhaps it’s the will to help someone?

We all have our reasons to be close to someone. Some of those might seem unexplainable, to the point where it doesn’t make sense. But it happens.

There are many ways one can have a meaningful relationship with people. However, keeping those connections alive is another story. If you do not interact with someone for too long, you end up creating a distance between you and that person. You would talk a lot less during your next encounter. There would also be an awkward atmosphere surrounding the two of you.

As the saying goes, “out of sight, out of mind”. Even if you remember your friend, he/she might not recognise you if you don’t talk often. You would be another memory washed away in the sea of darkness. That is why you must spend more time with the people you love. Make an impression in them so that it is impossible for them to forget you.

It may sound like I’m ranting here. Well, that’s because I am. These past few months, I’ve only had one thing pop up in my mind repeatedly. Sometimes, it would manifest in my dreams, giving me a sense of happiness and a moment of grief once I wake from them. That one thing is, well, seeing my friends. I’m still new to my college even though I’m about four months in. I’ve made some acquaintances, but I’ve never really clicked with them. I have trouble trying to move on. And to top all that off, I’m don’t know what I want to be anymore. I barely know who I am.

I might often seem antisocial. I get awkward when it comes to conversations. I’m a nervous wreck, now more than ever. Maybe it’s my introverted side getting the better of me. Before, I never liked opening up to anyone. I still don’t. Not unless I can trust the person. That is why I don’t talk much. The difference between then and now is that I feel awful for not mingling with the rest.

But, at least the bond is still there. I still remember my friends. All I could ever think of is them. They were the ones who saved me from depression. I’m grateful for that. I wish I could’ve stayed with them longer, though. But who am I to hinder them from pursuing their dreams?

There is a lot more that I want to say, but I’ll save that for another post. Sorry if I bothered you with my sob story. I needed to get this off my chest. If you read through the whole thing, then I thank you for doing so. It’s comforting to know that there is someone who is willing to hear me out.

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2 thoughts on “I’m Lonely

  1. Always. x
    Listen, there isn’t much I can say, this is your battle, these are your demons, and I have no right to even say anything about understanding how you feel right now, because i don’t. I truly don’t.
    But don’t go through this alone, don’t bottle it all inside.
    You ever need to talk, you know where to reach me.

    Like

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